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细品名篇醉翁亭(十五)--“林壑尤美”句英译评析   

2009-12-27 20:26:08|  分类: 翻译写作 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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在评第二句之前,需要弄清楚第二句的起止、结构、意义。全句为“其西南诸峰,林壑尤美,望之蔚然而深秀者,琅琊也。”中间不能断开,即不能在“尤美”标以句号。从结构上说,“者”字前为主位,“者”后为述位。“者”字前再切分,“其西南诸峰”为主位,后面的“林壑尤美,望之蔚然而深秀者”都是述位,用来描述主题“西南诸峰”。其意为“其西南琅琊诸峰,望之林蔚然而壑深秀,尤美。”

1The forests and valleys on the southwest ridge are especially beautiful. Lying in the distance, where the trees grow luxuriantly and gracefully, is the Langya Mountain.(罗经国译)

拆开成两句,第一句以“林”“壑”为主语,突出了“林壑”。原文中“林壑尤美”只是对主题“西南诸峰”的描述。“Lying in the distance”又强调了“远处”,这也是原文所没有的侧重。原文意在说山美。

2, of which those in the southwest boast the most lovely forests and dales. In the distance, densely wooded and possessed of a rugged beauty, is Mount Langya.杨宪益译

以“of which”与上句关联,是注意到了“其”字与“滁”的关系。把“boast”和“possessed”加以整合,一个“有”字足矣。“(bewooded”应修饰“forests”,其实“woods(林)”就是它们的内在联系。也同样突出了“林壑”而强调了“远处”。

3; the woods and valleys to the southwest are particularly beautiful. One of the ranges, the Langya, which can be seen from a long way off, is thickly covered with tall and graceful vegetation.(刘师舜译)

也突出了“林壑”而强调了“远处(a long way off)”。

“其中一山,”连接过渡不必要,而且,“琅琊”作为同位语插入,也降低了其重要性,与原句中“琅琊”在句尾的重要性不可同日而语。

“琅琊”一词的前置,还破坏了“…者,…也”句式中的悬念和揭秘功效,成了平铺直叙的描述。

4Those standing in the southwest with wooded peaks and valleys are the most sublime. The one that commands a view of luxuriant forests, imparting a sense of seclusion and veiled beauty, is Mount Langya.(谢百魁译)

也译为两句,突出了“林壑尤美”。引出“琅琊”又用了“The one that…”。 可合并为一句。

5The wooded ravines of the south-west peaks are particularly beautiful. Lo, there is Lang Ya Hill shrouded in deep, luxuriant blue.(潘正英译)

壑尤美”独立成句。而且,“Lo”词,也与前后风格不一致。

6, and the peaks to the southwest are clothed with a dense and beautiful growth of trees over which the eye wanders in rapture away to the confines of Shantung.Giles译)

翟理斯译为一句应该是有意识的。据说,他基本上把原句译为一句,即使原句很长。

clothed”一词较形象,还有用“dense”来译“蔚然”都很出彩。然“尤美”没有译出,――有人会说beautiful growth)即是,那么原文要作为谓语的“美”译作定语,已属降格隐匿了――而且,没有以“琅琊”结尾,却望之(到)“山东”,这就使思路wander away from the topic误译明显,不必强为名家文饰。

7…and the woods and valleys amidst the peaks on the southwest side are specially picturesque. That which is clothed with a dense and luxuriant growth of green foliage where eyes wander in rapture is Mount Long Ya. Paul M. Lee译)

也是林壑为主语,译为两句,致使下句以“That which”开头。

“望之(eyes wander in rapture)”虽是好词,与字里行间之意相去不远,却不是这句的焦点。它只相当于联系动词,普通的“look”就可以,义既相同又能隐去人,不清楚众人为何都不用。

8and the peaks in the southwest are adorned with beautiful forests and deep dales, from which one may behold the Langya Hill with a lovely view of dense verdure.treasury版)

译为一句。但是“Langya”前置,没有译出“…者,…也”句式的悬念与揭秘功效,且加入“one may behold”,观赏者从隐处走到显处。

9) The woods and tranquil valleys of the many peaks to the southwest are especially beautiful. The peak that provides the grandest and most profoundly lovely prospect is Mount Langya. (dharmaraja)

也突出林壑,译为两句。“profoundly”与“lovely”紧连,有种不妥的感觉。

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