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婚姻幽默  

2010-01-25 09:01:48|  分类: 英语欣赏 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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Top 14 Humors of Getting married

1、结婚就如饭馆点菜。点了自己想要的,然后看到别人的,又想那要是我的该多好。(Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. )

2、鸡尾酒会上,一位女士对另一位说,“你结婚戒指戴错手指了吧?”那位回答,“是戴错了。我嫁错了人。” (At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." )

3、不结婚,男人不完整。结了婚男人就完了。(Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.)

4、婚姻是一所大学,在这里男人失去了学士 (单身) 学位,而女人得到了硕士学位(主人)地位。(Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's status.)

5、一个小男孩问他父亲,"爸爸,结婚得花多少钱?" 他父亲回答,"不知道,儿子,我现在尚未付清。”(A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.")

6、小儿子问:“爸爸,我听说在非洲一些地方,男的要等到结了婚才认识(了解)他妻子,这是真的吗?”

爸爸:“儿子,大多数国家里都这样。”

(Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad : "That happens in most countries son.")

7、Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."
曾经有个男的,说,“我直到结了婚才知道何为真正幸福,可那时为时已晚了。”

8、快乐的婚姻就是付出和获得;丈夫付出,妻子获得。

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9、一个刚结婚的男人看上去很幸福,我们知道为什么。但是,一个结婚十年的男人看上去很幸福,我们就奇怪为什么了。婚外恋了? (When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Affair ?)

10、婚姻生活让人很沮丧。结婚头一年,丈夫说,妻子听。第二,妻子说,丈夫听。第三年,两个人说,邻居听。(Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.)

11、吵了一架之后,妻子对丈夫说,“我竟然和你结了婚,当初我真是傻瓜。”丈夫回应道:“没错,亲爱的,可我当时处于热恋中,没有注意到。” (After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the Husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it.)

12、一个男的在分类广告中插入一张“需要老婆”的广告。第二天,他收到几百封信。信上都说“把我的给你” 。 (A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine." )

13、男人若为他妻子开车门,有一点是可以肯定的:要么车是新的,要么老婆是新的。(When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or his wife is new.)

14、一个女人告诉她的朋友:“是我让我的丈夫变成了百万富翁。”

“那在你和他结婚前呢?他是什么?”

“亿万富翁。”

(A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked. The woman replied, "A multimillionaire.")

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