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可怜的梭罗――读《瓦尔登湖》翻译(六十七)  

2010-06-20 09:56:16|  分类: 《瓦尔登湖》 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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So I went on for some days cutting and hewing timber, and also studs and rafters, all with my narrow axe, not having many communicable or scholar-like thoughts, singing to myself,

    Men say they know many things;
    But lo! they have taken wings --
    The arts and sciences,
    And a thousand appliances;
    The wind that blows
    Is all that anybody knows.

I hewed the main timbers six inches square, most of the studs on two sides only, and the rafters and floor timbers on one side, leaving the rest of the bark on, so that they were just as straight and much stronger than sawed ones. Each stick was carefully mortised or tenoned by its stump, for I had borrowed other tools by this time. My days in the woods were not very long ones; yet I usually carried my dinner of bread and butter, and read the newspaper in which it was wrapped, at noon, sitting amid the green pine boughs which I had cut off, and to my bread was imparted some of their fragrance, for my hands were covered with a thick coat of pitch. Before I had done I was more the friend than the foe of the pine tree, though I had cut down some of them, having become better acquainted with it. Sometimes a rambler in the wood was attracted by the sound of my axe, and we chatted pleasantly over the chips which I had made.

(徐迟译)我便这样一连几天,用那狭小的斧头,伐木丁丁,砍削木料、门柱和椽木,没有什么可以奉告的思想,也没有什么学究式的思维,只是自己歌唱,——

人们说他们懂得不少;

瞧啊,他们生了翅膀,——

百艺啊,还有科学,

还有千般技巧;

其实只有吹拂的风

才是他们全部的知觉。

我把主要的木材砍成六英寸见方,大部分的间柱只砍两边,椽木和地板

是只砍一边,其余几边留下树皮,所以它们和锯子锯出来的相比,是同样地

挺直,而且更加结实。每一根木料都挖了榫眼,在顶上劈出了榫头,这时我

又借到一些工具。在林中过的白昼往往很短;然而,我常常带去我的牛油面

包当午餐,在正午时还读读包扎它们的新闻报纸,坐在我砍伐下来的青松枝

上,它们的芳香染到面包上,因为我手上有一层厚厚的树脂。

在我结束以前,松树成了我的密友,虽然我砍伐了几枝,却依然没有和

它们结怨,反而和它们越来越亲了。有时候,林中的闲游者给斧声吸引了过

来,我们就愉快地面对着碎木片瞎谈

    1timber, and also studs and rafters。“timber”可指砍倒的树,木材,在这里既然与“studs(柱)”、“rafters(椽)”并列,不妨译为“梁”。 studs”一词,徐译为“门柱”下文又译成“间柱”,没有必要不一致。

2伐木丁丁”大约是徐译的风格了,倒别有一种韵味。the newspaper in which it was wrapped徐译“包扎它们的新闻报纸”,我不喜欢“包扎”一词,好像包伤口似的,简单地译作“包午餐的报纸”就可以了。

3not having many communicable or scholar-like thoughts。“scholar-like”译“学者式的”就可以。徐译“学究式”已略带贬义,而戴译“学究气”就更重了。

4、梭罗的诗,徐译基本正确。戴译中“自夸”原诗中没有,也许有人会说“意思里有”,且不争,接下去看“逃掉”和“足有”,原诗里也没有。

5chatted pleasantly,译为“轻松愉快地闲聊”就可以。徐译“瞎谈”就偏了,戴译“胡扯一通”就更远了。

徐译扣原文,用词力求有韵味,但有时过于生硬,如“狭小”“间柱”“锯子”“包扎”“密友”“结怨”等。戴译用词上去掉了徐译的生硬,句子通顺了,但很多地方偏离原意更远了,比如“学究气”“百般的艺术”“胡扯一通”等。

6附上Ken Kiffer的评论:This is Thoreau's own poem. It makes me think of Bob Dylan's "Blowing in the Wind." Thoreau's poetry was generally fuzzy and lacked the bite of his prose. The same is true of the verses he uses from other writers. I think A. E. Housman and Dylan Thomas later wrote poetry that matches the power of Thoreau's prose.

This is a good opportunity to point out Thoreau's prose style as well. Notice how the paragraph rambles about what he did during those days, mentioning details about house-building, eating lunch, and pausing for conversation, not a complete or even coherent view of his activities. But Thoreau is not making a spreadsheet; he is painting a picture, and he is mentioning details and words based on their emotional impact. The result is very much like poetry, even though in the form of prose.

有很大一批读者认为梭罗写的过于琐碎,这里可以看作是一种解答:这段里写他一天中所做的事,好像写得多而乱,不完整,无连贯,其实,他不是做数据表,而是在描绘一幅图画。形式虽为散文,其实更接近诗。

(戴欢译) 我便一连数天,伐倒白松,砍削横木、支柱和椽木,就使着那把窄小的斧子,并没有许多可以广为传播的学究气的思想,只是自我放歌——

    “人们自夸懂得不少;

    可定晴瞧瞧,他们已展翅逃掉——

    百般的艺术和科学啊,

    足有千般的技巧;

    只有吹拂的风儿,

    才是他们的全部知晓。”

      我将主料砍成6英寸见方,大部分的间柱只砍去两边,椽木和地板是只砍去一边,余下的几边留着树皮,它们与锯出来的木料相比,是同样笔直的,而且更为结实。每一块木料上我都仔细地凿出了榫眼,在头部也削出了榫头,因为这时我又借到了另外一些工具。

      在林中度过的白天极其短暂。不过,我通常带去面包黄油当作午餐,在中午时还可顺便阅读用来包饭的报纸。坐在我伐倒的青松枝上,松枝的清香传到了面包上,因为我手上糊了一厚层松脂。在我完工以前,松树已然成了我亲密的伙伴,尽管我砍伐了几棵,却并未与它们结下仇冤,反倒愈加亲近了。有时,林中的漫游者被我的伐木声吸引过来,我们会踩在碎木片上愉快地胡扯一通

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