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可怜的梭罗——读《瓦尔登湖》翻译(127)  

2012-12-04 22:19:21|  分类: 《瓦尔登湖》 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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When first I took up my abode in the woods, that is, began to spend my nights as well as days there, which, by accident, was on Independence Day, or the Fourth of July, 1845, my house was not finished for winter, but was merely a defence against the rain, without plastering or chimney, the walls being of rough, weather-stained boards, with wide chinks, which made it cool at night. The upright white hewn studs and freshly planed door and window casings gave it a clean and airy look, especially in the morning, when its timbers were saturated with dew, so that I fancied that by noon some sweet gum would exude from them. To my imagination it retained throughout the day more or less of this auroral character, reminding me of a certain house on a mountain which I had visited a year before. This was an airy and unplastered cabin, fit to entertain a travelling god, and where a goddess might trail her garments. The winds which passed over my dwelling were such as sweep over the ridges of mountains, bearing the broken strains, or celestial parts only, of terrestrial music. The morning wind forever blows, the poem of creation is uninterrupted; but few are the ears that hear it. Olympus is but the outside of the earth everywhere.

(徐迟译)我第一天住在森林里,就是说,白天在那里,而且也在那里过夜的那一天,凑巧得很,是一八四五年七月四日,独立日,我的房子没有盖好,过冬还不行,只能勉强避避风雨,没有灰泥墁,没有烟囱,墙壁用的是饱经风雨的粗木板,缝隙很大,所以到晚上很是凉爽。笔直的、砍伐得来的、白色的间柱,新近才刨得平坦的门户和窗框,使屋子具有清洁和通风的景象,特别在早晨,木料里饱和着露水的时候,总使我幻想到午间大约会有一些甜蜜的树胶从中渗出。这房间在我的想象中,一整天里还将多少保持这个早晨的情调,这使我想起了上一年我曾游览过的一个山顶上的一所房屋,这是一所空气好的、不涂灰泥的房屋,适宜于旅行的神仙在途中居住,那里还适宜于仙女走动,曳裙而过。吹过我的屋脊的风,正如那扫荡山脊而过的风,唱出断断续续的调子来,也许是天上人间的音乐片段。晨风永远在吹,创世纪的诗篇至今还没有中断;可惜听得到它的耳朵太少了。灵山只在大地的外部,处处都是。

1) 第一句较长,其主要框架是“开始林中居住时,房子尚未建完”。

When first I took up my abode in the woods, that is, began to spend my nights as well as days there, which, by accident, was on Independence Day, or the Fourth of July, 1845, my house was not finished for winter, but was merely a defence against the rain, without plastering or chimney, the walls being of rough, weather-stained boards, with wide chinks, which made it cool at night.

戴译断成四句。“我第一天在森林中住下时,也就是说,我白天在这里度过,接着又开始在这里过夜。真是巧合,正是184574日,美国独立日。…… 第一个句号断开的并不是完整句子,只是状语部分“……时”。第二个句号将原文里顺带一提的内容独立成句,过于突出强调了。74日是美国的独立日,只是这里不需要区别独立日的国别,重点应放在“独立”上。就像Ken Kifer指出的,“住进森林正表明个人的独立moving to the woods is a show of personal independence)。”

2) it retained throughout the day more or less of this auroral character……这里的auroral一词虽没有大写,估计仍与曙光女神Aurora有关,因为“这让我想起了一座山间小屋”,适合接待下凡神仙的。

3) and where a goddess might trail her garments. 是说在这个山间小屋里,由于airy,女神的衣带会被风吹起来。徐译“那里还适宜于仙女走动”,不知因何适宜?或者“何处不适宜仙女走动?”戴译里没有这句。

4) Olympus is but the outside of the earth everywhere. 估计是说仙山到处有,只是不在尘世间。上一句也说,晨风一直唱,可听懂的有几人?

(戴欢译)我第一天在森林中住下时,也就是说,我白天在这里度过,接着又开始在这里过夜。真是巧合,正是184574日,美国独立日。我的屋子这时尚未建好,过冬有点不便,仅能勉强遮风避雨。房屋的内墙没抹泥灰,没装烟囱,墙壁是用饱经风吹日晒的粗糙木板搭建起的,缝隙很大,因此,夜间极为凉爽。那笔直的伐来的白色间柱,刚刚刨平的门板和窗框,使屋子看上去整洁而透气。特别是在清晨,木材里渗出露水,使得我联想到,中午该会有一些甜蜜的树胶也会从中渗出。在我的浮想联翩中,这屋子一整天中会或多或少地持续着这个清晨的情调,由此我想起了一年前曾造访过的一座山间小屋。它是一座空气清爽而又没抹泥灰的小木屋,最适宜款待云游至此的神仙。吹过我的小木屋上空的风,恰似那席卷漫山遍野之风,奏出了时断时续的音调,它或许是人间演绎的天堂乐音。晓风在永远吹拂,创世纪的诗篇仍在不停地吟唱,可惜闻听到的人却寥寥无几。奥林匹斯山只在大地之外,随处可见。

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